


Leave My Thoughts Tonight

by like_lions



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Case Fic, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Family Drama, Friendship, Gen, Hurt Spencer Reid, Long Lost/Secret Relatives, Original Character(s), Post-Prison, Post-Prison Spencer Reid, Reunions
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-06
Updated: 2020-09-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:22:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26321830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/like_lions/pseuds/like_lions
Summary: Spencer Reid took the plea deal and spent three years in federal prison. He was released as a changed man into a world that had moved on without him. How will the team react when they find out he was released...15 months after the fact?
Relationships: Spencer Reid & The BAU Team, Spencer Reid/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 9
Kudos: 70





	1. Fifteen Months

When people talk about going to prison, it's always high level. Hypothetical. They don't understand the day to day experience, the way days creep into weeks and into months. You get into a rhythm and learn to block things out. First noises, then people, then thoughts. Thinking is too painful in a place like this, and hope is a worse killer than some of the people locked in here. When Dr. Spencer Reid thought about what prison would be like, he had anticipated the external conflict he would face from other prisoners. He had even considered the loneliness that he would feel being away from his mom and his team - his family. What he hadn't considered was how it would change him.

He took the plea deal at the insistence of his attorney and his then-Unit Chief Emily Prentiss. He was facing 25 to life, and 2-4 years in prison was a drop in the bucket comparatively. Garcia reassured him that they would set up a schedule to visit him, Rossi promised to keep his apartment lease going so he would have something to come home to, JJ agreed to keep watch over his mom while he was away. And they did. For a while. But life happened and Garcia lost track of the visiting schedule, Rossi forgot to renew the lease when a new property manager came onboard, and worst of all JJ didn't have to watch over his mother for very long. Her Alzheimer's deteriorated and within a year she was gone. Spencer's life as he knew it was slipping through his fingers and he was helpless to stop it.

Eventually it just worked out easier for him to forget about life on the outside all together. Keep your head down, serve your time, and get the hell out. Count the cracks in the ceiling, memorize the stitches on your shoes, and reread Moby Dick until your eyes burn. Anything to keep the thoughts away. If you do it just right, you'll see time slip by just like your old life. You'll be surprised when the guard opens your cell door, tosses you your civilian clothes and tells you it's your lucky day. You'll step outside, feel the breeze on your skin, and start a new life. There's nothing for you here.

—

Emily Prentiss was stressed. Her desk was covered in casework she needed to file, Andrew was waiting on her to confirm their dinner date, and the team was waiting on her for the morning briefing. Just when she had thought she had a hang of the job, it threw another curveball at her. When her cell phone rang, she sent it straight to voicemail like she had gotten into a habit of doing. Any call that wasn't work or Andrew related was put on the back burner. She threw her paperwork to the side and raced in to join the meeting just in time for Penelope's briefing.

"Sorry I'm late, Garcia go right ahead."

"Alrighty, today's not so fun case is taking us to Tallahassee, the not-so-sexy sister of Orlando, Florida. On October 21st the body of 27-year-old Amber Kerwin was discovered outside of a swampy marsh. Local PD thought it was an isolated incident - Amber was a lady of the night so to speak - until the bodies of 26-year-old Taryn Smith and 27-year-old Ellie McGrath were discovered on October 24th and October 27th respectively."

JJ sighed, "A three day pattern. If he's new at this he's starting out with a lot of confidence."

"That suggests a more mature unsub," Rossi added. "And this might not be his first rodeo. He could have crossed state lines and started fresh here. Garcia, did you check—"

"CODIS?" Garcia chirped back. "Yep, first place I checked and unfortunately...or fortunately I guess, there are no baddies strangling women in their twenties and leaving them in swampy or deserted areas. At least not in North America."

"Well today is the 28th, which means he is likely to strike again in the next two days," Prentiss said. "Let's get moving before he escalates any further. Wheels up in 30."

—

Penelope Garcia had a gnawing feeling at the back of her head. There was something she was forgetting, something she was missing. It had been bothering her all morning, so when the team left to board the jet she ran a quick search for any relevant events surrounding or related to this time of the year. She was expecting icky photos of bodies or terrifying photos of terrorist activity, but what she found made her heart sink even further than that. A photo of her, the team, and their beloved former Good Doctor, Spencer Reid. They had a Day of the Dead party at her apartment just a few years earlier. Things were easier then, happier. It was before Hotch and Morgan left, and before Reid went to prison.

Her heart hurt just thinking of Spencer and all the promises she had made to him. She had meant to keep up with visitation, she really did. But life got in the way and before she knew it three years had gone by. Wait...three years. She typed aggressively on her keyboard and her stomach dropped. Before she could think, she dialed the team on the jet.

"Hey guys and dolls," she said, her voice shaky and unlike her usual perky self. "I just ran a quick search and—"

"Did something else happen in Florida?" Alvez asked, concern on his face.

"Reid got released from prison," Garcia choked out. Even on VC they could see the tears forming in her eyes.

A sigh ran through the plane. A sigh of...relief? Concern? Guilt that they hadn't thought of him sooner?

"Oh my god, Garcia, when?" JJ asked, clutching her chest as if her heart was about to jump out of it.

"That's the thing," Garcia's face fell and she was unable to hold back the tears. "15 months ago. He's been out for 15 months and none of us knew."


	2. Missed Calls

The alarm clock went off and Spencer instinctively smashed the snooze button with all his might. It was muggy and humid outside and sleep was nearly impossible to find that night. He rolled over and wiped his face with his hands, looking at the woman in bed with him. He met her in NA a couple of months after he had gotten out of prison. He had started using again inside and knew he needed to build a support system if he was going to kick the habit. The only work he could find with a violent felony on his record was in auto body shops and construction. He couldn't exactly do those jobs strung out.

The tan brunette yawned and stretched out her arms, catching him staring at her. "What are you doing, weirdo?" She tossed a pillow at his head.

"Hey!" He feigned injury. "That's my good side!"

She leaned over and kissed him before sliding out of the bed. "Every side is your good side."

Getting ready for the day was easier now than it was back when he was working at the BAU. His uniform was a pair of blue jeans and whatever T-shirt he could find at the moment. His boss didn't care if his clothes were old or stained - they were mechanics and stains were just a natural part of the job.

As he caught his reflection in the mirror, he was struck by how much had changed in the past year. His hair was still long, about the same length as when he left prison, but he almost always had stubble on his face and motor oil on his clothes. Whereas before he was disgusted by the prospect of shaking a stranger's hand, now he regularly laid on the ground and fixed trucks with his bare hands. He was different, but he was grateful. He didn't have a plan when he walked out of those prison gates and now he actually had something to show for himself.

"See you later!" The brunette said as she headed out the door, tying her apron around her waist. "Jimmy's gonna kill me if I'm late for another shift."

"Aren't you forgetting something?" Spencer said, holding up her name tag. Keys, phone, name tag - those were the three things he was always having to remind her to stay on top of.

She smiled, "You're my hero." She leaned forward as he pinned it on her shirt. "You know, even though I inherited this name tag from the girl who was waitressing here before me, I'm starting to like the name Jennifer."

He laughed. "I prefer Mandy," he replied as he kissed her on the forehead.

—

The silence in the SUVs was so thick you could almost taste it. It tasted like guilt and regret. JJ still had tear stains on her face from the jet. She looked around at the other's in the truck. The way it seemed that everyone was avoiding eye contact set her off.

"How could we let this happen?" JJ said, her voice nearly wavering. "It doesn't make any sense, how could Spence get out of prison and we not even find out for over a year?"

Tara and Matt shifted in their seats, silently calling nose-goes. Tara, always the psychologist, broke the silence and replied. "A lot has been going on recently. Prentiss has been busy with Andrew, Rossi married Krystal…"

"And you—" Simmons said from the front seat, cutting himself off. Tara rolled her eyes silently, damning him for bringing this up.

"I what?" JJ challenged. "I what? I was busy torpedoing my marriage so I was too busy to notice that my oldest friend was getting released from federal prison?"

Simmons shut his lips tightly, not daring to speak up again.

"We've been distracted," Tara offered. "It's not an excuse, but it's an explanation. It's all we can say at this point."

When they reached the Tallahassee PD headquarters, JJ was first out of the car, slamming her door shut behind her.

"Nice one, Matt," Tara said, sarcastically.

"I didn't mean anything by it? I—" Matt stammered.

"I know," Tara sighed. "She just needs someone to blame right now."

—

Prentiss was setting up shop in the conference room. She had sent Luke and Rossi to the coroner's office to check out the body of the most recent victim. JJ walked in, stonefaced.

"Did you get anything from the crime scene?" Prentiss asked, avoiding eye contact.

"No. Everything was too contaminated, it rained last night. Anything that was there got washed away."

"Oh," Prentiss replied. "I'm sure we'll figure something out, Rossi and Luke are headed back from—"

"Did you know?" JJ interrupted.

Prentiss closed her eyes before turning around to face her. "Did I know what?"

"Did you know that he was getting out?"

"Of course not," Prentiss said, defensive. "If I had known I would have told all of you. We're a family."

"Well, not a great one, are we?" JJ snapped. "How did you not know? You were his boss, you hired his lawyer. Why didn't she tell you that he was getting released?"

Prentiss had asked herself the same question when she first arrived at the station. She checked her phone records and saw that she had missed several calls from the same number in the past year. She had gotten a new phone a couple of years ago, and the contacts didn't all transfer over. She knew who it was going to be when she called the number back, but that didn't stop her from feeling like shit when she heard Fiona's voice. She told her that Spencer Reid was released early on good behavior, and the last anyone had seen of him was 15 months ago when he boarded a bus with his belongings and $50 in his pocket offered by the federal government. She had been trying to get in touch with her ever since she heard of his upcoming release, but hadn't been able to reach her.

Emily knew that JJ wasn't going to want to hear that, but she decided to be honest anyway. "Fiona tried to call and tell me, but she wasn't able to get through."

JJ scoffed.

"I dropped the ball here, okay?" Prentiss replied, shutting the door to the conference room to avoid the local PD hearing the conflict. "I should have been there for him and I wasn't. I can't change what happened, but we can try to make things right moving forward."

"How?" JJ asked, her anger shifting into hopelessness. "He's been out for 15 months and nobody has come looking for him. He's god knows where and probably thinks that we don't care. How are we going to recover from that?"


	3. Big Small Town

Local PD had several leads based on frequent flyers at the local red light district. There were several johns that were flagged as creepy by the local working girls, one in particular by the name of James Stephens. He was a 44-year-old business owner, father of 2, and of course, a trusted pillar of the community.

"This guy has scumbag written all over him," Alvez said, looking over the photo of the middle aged blond. "I saw his type all the time coming up. They think they're untouchable because they go to church on Sundays and volunteer at a soup kitchen twice a year."

"Where is this guy right now?" Rossi asked the local police chief.

"He owns several businesses in town," the chief replied, scratching his head. "The local grocery store, the barber shop, the diner…"

"…and the auto body shop!" offered the eager deputy.

"Okay, let's split up and cover our bases," Prentiss said, addressing the team. "We don't want to spook him, but let's talk to people close to him, the locals that work in the community. Ask if any of them have heard or seen anything suspicious near the Stephens home. Someone knows something. Rossi, you and JJ cover the grocery store and the barber shop. Tara, you and Matt cover the diner and auto body shop. Remember, we're just asking if anyone has seen anything suspicious. He's still just a person of interest in this case."

—

Tara and Matt reached the diner around two in the afternoon, just near a shift change. It was a low part of the day, so the place was nearly empty. They approached the brunette waitress at the counter and introduced themselves.

"FBI?" She repeated, half joking. When she saw their serious faces, she offered. "We haven't done anything, I—I haven't ever even used drugs."

She instinctively scratched at her arm, a clear sign of a former or current junkie.

"We aren't the DEA," Matt reassured her. He looked at her name tag. "Ashley, is it?" She nodded silently. "We just want to know if anyone in the community has seen or heard anyone acting strangely with women in their mid-late twenties."

Ashley sighed. "Oh, okay. Um, I'm just startin' this job. I haven't been here very long, but maybe you should talk to Jennifer—I mean, Mandy. She has been here for longer."

"Jennifer or Mandy?" Tara asked, cocking her eyebrow.

"Her name is Mandy," Ashley replied with a nervous laugh. "But her name tag says Jennifer. Just like my name tag says Ashley, but my name is Ruby."

Tara and Matt exchanged a glance. "Okay, where can we find this Mandy?"

"She just left to go pick up her kid," Ashley/Ruby said. "She should be here tomorrow for her morning shift though."

"Okay, thanks for your help, Ashle—I mean, Ruby," Matt said, Tara letting out a small chuckle before heading out.

When they left the diner, Tara let out a full laugh. Matt blushed. "What was I supposed to say? That was the weirdest interview I've ever had. Why don't they just get new name tags?"

"Small town, small budget," Tara offered, still laughing under her breath.

They made their way to the auto body shop, but it seemed completely empty.

"Maybe they went out for lunch?" Matt said.

"A weird time of day for a lunch break," Tara replied. She walked further into the garage and shouted. "Anyone here? I've got a car that needs fixing."

They heard a rumble from the back and footsteps approaching.

"Why did you say we've got a car that needs fixing?" Matt asked.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Tara said. "Did you want me to just shout that we're the FBI and we're here to shake down your local auto body shop?"

Matt laughed, his breath catching as he saw a man come out of the back.

The mechanic wiped his dirtied face off with a rag, speaking as he approached. "What kind of car do you have? We don't do foreign cars, but we can handle all American made cars up to 20—"

"Reid?"

—

Spencer had imagined this moment. If he was to ever cross paths with members of the team again. He had dreams where it was a heartwarming reunion, where it was hugs all around and Rossi gripped his face in his classic Italian grandfather style. But he was a realist and the facts were clear: he hadn't seen anyone on the team in years and it wasn't an accident. It was a choice.

"Reid?" Tara asked, nearly breathless. It had been nearly three full years since she had seen him last and so much had changed. He had changed so much - he was wearing a dirtied white tee and ripped dark jeans that suggested the rips weren't fashion-focused so much as a result of long-term wear and tear.

"I mostly go by Spencer these days," he replied. "I'm assuming you two don't actually have a car that needs fixing?"

"No, we um," Matt started. "We're investigating a series of murders outside of the city. Young women. We're trying to see if anyone has heard or seen anything suspicious."'

"Matt Simmons, right?" Spencer asked. Matt nodded, nervously smiling. "I've got an eidetic memory, remember? I don't forget a face."

He stepped out of the garage and into the daylight, covering his eyes from the bright Florida sun. "Do you have crime scene photos?"

Tara hesitated. Her instinct was to share them immediately, but…

"I'm no longer an agent and that information is classified," Spencer said, finishing her thought for her. He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair, sweat pooling on his face from the sun. "I haven't heard anything suspicious lately, but this is a big small town. People keep to themselves for the most part."

"Is that why you decided to move out here?" Tara asked.

"I didn't really decide to do anything," Spencer corrected. "I got out, hopped on a bus and rode it to the end of the line. It dropped me off here and I haven't left since."

Tara nodded, understanding that he wasn't exactly a man of many options after being released from prison.

"I'm sorry I couldn't be more help," Spencer said, turning on his heels.

Tara reached out, nearly touching him but hesitating. He caught the hesitation as he turned his head.

"You don't have to worry," he reassured her. "I don't have an issue with being touched anymore. It's hard to keep that up when you're inside, you know?"

Tara nodded, stepping back. Matt jumped in, offering, "Would you mind coming down to the station with us? We have some people of interest and we'd love to have you take a look and see if anything stands out to you."

Spencer twisted his mouth, considering the offer carefully. He didn't want to intrude on the case - he wasn't an agent anymore. He also didn't want to rock the boat too much with his former teammates. They had cut ties for a reason, and he would just be reopening an old wound.

"You have a unique perspective," Tara said. "As a former agent, a local…and the three PhD's don't hurt."

He cracked a small smile. "Sure, but I have to get back soon so my boss doesn't lose it about the shop being closed." He locked up the garage and walked with them over to their car. He spotted Matt and Tara exchanging a low high five, and it almost felt like old times again. Almost.


	4. Jennifer Reid

As they headed into the station, they were approached by a burly uniform with a big grin on his face.

"Spencer!" He called after them.

Spencer turned around and returned the man's big smile. "Eddie! Oh my gosh, man, you passed the police exam?"

"Flying colors, all thanks to you," he replied proudly. "I couldn't have done it without you. My mom is so excited and the steady paycheck is a lifesaver."

Eddie looked over at the two FBI agents next to him. "Are you friends of Spencer's? You're not taking him in or anything, are ya? He's good people, I can vouch for him. He's the type of guy who should be on the force."

"Actually—" Tara said, getting cut off by Reid.

"No, nothing like that," Spencer reassured him. "They just want me to take a look at some pictures and see if I can help them with a case."

"Oh, okay," Eddie said with a sigh of relief, his shoulders softening. "Spencer's really good with that kind of thing. He's the type of guy who should be on the force. Speaking of, I've gotta head in before the sergeant reams my ass. See you in there, Spencer!"

Tara and Matt exchanged a quick glance, with Spencer telling them. "He had some high school football related head injuries, but he's a good guy!"

—

Walking into the station sent Spencer into a flashback. The last time he entered one of these places was in Mexico and the memories were spotty. He had these types of flashbacks a few times since he left prison, but he tried to shake them off. Mandy had suggested he go talk to someone about it, but he didn't want anyone in town to know about his past. He wanted a fresh start.

He looked around as he was led through the station by Tara and Matt, straight into the conference room where Emily and Luke were seated. They were in the middle of brainstorming motives related to the killer's MO - suffocation after shallow stabbing throughout the torso. They almost didn't notice him enter, until Emily felt the rush of humid air coming in through the door.

"Spencer?" She asked, barely believing it. Luke looked up and was equally shocked, but not nearly as breathless.

"Reid, my man," he approached and pulled him into a big bear hug. Emily held her breath until Spencer gave into the hug and returned the affection. "I can't believe we ran into you here. We were just talking about you."

Spencer shifted his weight from side to side. He didn't like the idea of being spoken about when he wasn't around, especially in this case. They were talking about him but couldn't visit him when he was trapped in a cell?

"All good things, of course…" Luke offered, seeing the discomfort on his face.

JJ and Rossi entered like two bats out of hell, JJ launching straight into her findings. "So we spoke to the manager at the grocery store and she corroborated the story we heard at the barber shop. James Stephens is one sick son of a—"

Rossi tapped her shoulder and pointed in the other direction, his mouth agape.

"Spence," she said quietly, as if speaking too loudly would scare him away or wake her out of this dream.

The entire situation was making Spencer increasingly uncomfortable. He just wanted to get through the photos and get out - go back to his garage, his work, and his home. "I came to look over some suspect photos."

"You live around here now?" JJ asked.

"Yep, have been for the last 15 months," he replied shortly. "You would have known that if you had checked on me sometime in the last three years."

"Spence—" JJ squeaked out.

"Do you have something for me to look at, or can I go?" Spencer said impatiently. "I have to get back to work or my boss is gonna make me stay after my shift."

—-

Spencer looked over the photos, recognizing James Stephens as the owner of the auto body shop. He rarely came around there, preferring to stick to his other more successful businesses like the diner and the grocery store.

"I've gotta go," he said, getting up from the chair.

"Spencer, man, we just saw you for the first time in three years. Can't you stay a little longer?" Luke asked. "Penelope would love to hear from you."

Spencer headed for the door. "I would have liked to hear from her too—about three years ago." His words were cutting, but understandable given the circumstances. He had previously been abandoned by his father, Gideon, and then his entire team. His entire family. "If you need me, you know where to find me."

He left the conference room in a frenzy, nearly knocking over Eddie on the way out. Once again, the silence was painful. How could they fix this?

—

JJ and Emily decided to take the initiative to meet Spencer and work things out. They were the two people on the team he knew the longest, and they were two of the most present figures during his arrest and imprisonment. They went over the auto body shop right around five, hoping he hadn't headed home yet. As they approached, they saw a surprising sight.

It was Spencer, a brunette, and a baby in the woman's arms. He was getting into the car with them as he caught JJ's eyes and made contact. He broke eye contact and got into the car, driving off.

"What the hell have we missed?" Emily asked no one in particular.

—

Emily and JJ decided to keep what they saw to themselves. They didn't know what was going on, and they didn't feel right discussing Spencer's personal life especially after everything that had happened. They continued on with the investigation through the night and into the next morning.

"We're gonna head to the diner," Tara said to the group with a yawn. "We're trying to speak with a brunette whose name is either Jennifer or Mandy."

"Maybe she can tell us something that will help us nail this guy," Matt suggested. "Hopefully, because I cannot sleep in this office chair for another night."

JJ got up from her chair stretching. "Tell me about it. I'm gonna go with you guys and see if I can get a halfway decent cup of coffee."

"Ooh, if you find one can you please bring some back for us less fortunate?" Emily pleaded.

—-

"Mandy?" Matt called out to the brunette at the coffee counter in the diner. The tall tanned brunette didn't respond. He sighed. "Jennifer?"

"Yes, do you need something?" She said in a faux perky voice.

JJ recognized her right away as the woman she had seen the day before with Spencer. She wanted to question her about that right then and there, but Matt and Tara were peppering her with questions about her boss.

"Yeah, Jimmy is my manager. He owns a lot of the properties on this side of town. His family has been in Tallahassee for generations."

"Did you ever feel uncomfortable around him? Or sense anything suspicious or not quite right?" Tara asked.

Mandy took a minute to think about her answer. Truthfully he had creeped a lot of the waitresses out, it's one of the reasons she suspected so many girls ended up leaving the diner so soon.

"He's a little handsy," she replied. "But you know, what man isn't?"

JJ coughed, wanting to say 'Not Spencer,' under her breath.

"Do I know you?" Mandy asked JJ. "Your face is so familiar."

JJ wanted to question her about Spencer, but heeded Emily's word. Give him space, let him open up about it to us himself.

"Nope, must be someone else," JJ said with a smile. "What is your last name, maybe you went to high school with someone who looked like me."

It was an innocuous question, but Tara and Matt instantly caught onto what she was doing. She was going to get a little basic information about Mandy to see what Garcia could dig up on her.

"Reid," she replied casually. JJ had to keep her eyes from bugging out of her head. "But in high school I went by Carlisle. Mandy Carlisle."

She paused and chuckled to herself. "Or actually, I guess I'm Jennifer Reid around here," she said pointing to her name tag.

Matt chuckled, but the looks on the faces of Tara and JJ told a different, less enthusiastic story.


	5. Forgiveness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the comments and the kudos! A little spoiler for the crowd: Reid isn't going to abandon his wife and baby. That's way too out of character for my liking. This is more of a BAU family/Reid fic, so you won't be seeing any Jeid here. Sorry to the Jeid shippers! I'm hoping to have something for you later in a different story.

“Well that went well,” Matt said, attempting to break the ice with the shellshocked JJ. He distinctly lacked any ounce of sarcasm in his voice. Tara shot him a glance as she moved to catch up with JJ on their walk back to the station.

“This is a good thing, right?” Tara asked. “Reid found someone to share himself with, and that’s all we can really ask for in life.”

JJ shook her head, pausing to face the duo. “It’s not that, I’m happy that he found someone and she seems…nice, I guess. I just…he didn’t mention anything about a wife and baby at the station yesterday.”

Matt shot JJ a look. “Baby?”

“Emily and I saw him getting into a car with her and a baby yesterday,” JJ sighed. “We were going to tell the rest of the team, but we wanted to know more first. I just thought that…if he had something that big to share with us, he would have told us first thing. Who hides something that big from the people closest to them?”

Matt shrugged his shoulders. “Maybe it’s worth considering that we aren’t the people closest to him anymore. He seemed pretty hurt yesterday.”

Tara interrupted, putting a comforting hand on JJ’s shoulder. It was clear that JJ was holding onto a lot of guilt and pain around missing out on such a big part of Spencer’s life. “He just had a lot thrown at him at once. He probably never expected to meet us all again, especially not this way. Try to think about it from his perspective.”

JJ rubbed her hands against her dry eyes, tension building behind them. “I know,” she conceded.

“Give him a little time,” Tara offered. “You know Spencer, he’ll come around eventually.”

“I hope so,” JJ replied, her shoulders loosening up as she began to calm down. “I just hope it’s sooner rather than later. I don’t want to leave this place without him knowing how much we care about him.”

The trio continued on back to the station, when Matt asked JJ, “Didn’t you want to have Garcia run a background check on Mandy?”

“I did,” JJ answered. “I just don’t want to intrude. I don’t want Spence to be any angrier at us than he is now.”

“What do you think she’s gonna find in Mandy’s background?” Matt asked. “That she’s literally hiding skeletons in her closet?”

JJ nervously chuckled and replied, “Well, if anyone could do it, Garcia could.” She pulled out her phone and dialed Penelope. Naturally, she answered on the first ring.

“How is our baby boy?” Garcia asked, her voice betraying the hours of worrying she had been doing since hearing about Reid’s release.

“He’s—“ JJ hesitated. She didn’t want to crush Garcia’s hopes by letting her know that the meeting hadn’t gone as well as they’d hoped. They had only coordinated with her via message up to this point and JJ knew she was desperate for further insight.

“He’s fine,” she offered. “He looks good, he has a job, friends, and…apparently a wife.” JJ had to pull the phone away from her ear to avoid the loud reply on the line. Garcia was clearly in a whirlwind. “I know, I know. Can you just run a quick background check on Mandy Carlisle, now known as Mandy Reid?”

“You aren’t thinking Mrs. Boy Wonder is a baddie are you?” Garcia asked,.

“No, no,” JJ reassured her. “She’s involved with a person of interest in the case, and we just want to cover our bases…and I just want to know more about her.”

“Can’t you just ask—“ Garcia asked, JJ cutting her off.

“It’s a little complicated, can you just rush the search for me?”

“Your wish is my command, Genie out!”

—

Back at the station, JJ and Tara were just wrapping up briefing the rest of the team on the recent Reid update when they heard someone loudly enter. Turning their heads they saw Spencer, and he did not seem to be in a pleasant mood. He walked directly to the conference room, closing the door behind him.

“Why did you talk to Mandy?” He asked, exasperated. His face looked like a mixture of concern, frustration, and anger and his voice mirrored it. “She told me you went to the diner to speak to her - why?”

“Reid, we just needed to—“ Emily started before being cut off.

“Needed what?” He asked angrily. “Needed to dig into my life? After 15 months you decide to burst in and question me and my family. Why couldn’t you all just stay away? You didn’t have a problem doing that for three years, why is now any different?”

JJ approached him, attempting to gingerly place her hand on his shoulder as he pulled away from her. “Spence, please, you have to understand.”

“Understand what?” He asked, positioning himself further away from the group. “Understand why you abandoned me in a federal prison? Gave up on me when I needed you most? Because from where I’m standing, that’s not very forgivable.”

Emily sighed, knowing she would have to own up to her part in the miscommunication. “It was my fault. I hadn’t kept in touch with Fiona and didn’t get the message that you were being released. Don’t blame the rest of the team, blame me.”

Spencer considered it and then rebuffed it with, “That explains not knowing I was released, not why you all stopped visiting me. I was alone in there, do you have any idea what that feels like? What it does to your soul when you—“

He cut himself off as the words became too hard to get out. Tears welled up in his eyes as he quickly wiped them away. “I needed you. I needed you and you weren’t there. Why? Explain that to me, and maybe I can try to forgive you.”

And they did. They all sat down and went around the table explaining what had been going on for the last few years. Rossi lost touch with his daughter after an argument regarding her husband led to an extended estrangement. Tara entered a relationship with another woman only to be left heartbroken when she abruptly broke up with her and left the state. Emily was trying to juggle her increasingly serious relationship with Andrew and her increasingly intense workload. Luke and Penelope tried—and failed—to have a whirlwind romance and it led to awkwardness on the team that continued to this day. As they each told their stories, it seemed that the wall Spencer had built up around himself started to fall down piece by piece. He seemed less guarded, more understanding. It wasn’t an excuse, but it was an explanation. They all thought that everyone else was keeping up with him and their visiting schedule as a way to relieve them of their guilt. They never meant to abandon him like that.

JJ was the last to share what had happened since the last time they spoke. The words were hard to get out. She hadn’t even opened up about this to the rest of the team before. After Spencer started his full prison term, she devoted herself to making sure Diana was looked after. When the Alzheimer’s rapidly progressed and it became clear that she was going to die without Spencer by her side, JJ turned to alcohol to cope. Then the marriage issues arose and the resentment between her and Henry as he became old enough to understand that she was the weak link that broke up the marriage. She cried as she recounted this to Spencer, and instinctively he reached out and offered her his hand.

“I’m so sorry that I wasn’t there for you when you needed me,” JJ said. “I can’t change the past but I want to make it up to you. I want to know how I can help, whether that’s with work or financially—“

“I don’t need your money,” Spencer replied. “I make a good living at the shop. It’s enough to cover our expenses and put a little away for the future..

JJ looked over at him, her eyes begging the question that they all had on their minds.

“So I’m guessing you all want to know about what I’ve been up to lately.”

“We’d love to hear it,” Rossi said. “But we don’t want to intrude. You don’t have to share anything you’re not comfortable with.”

Spencer thought it over and replied, “I think it might be easier just to show you what I’ve been up to. It’s almost dinnertime - how would you feel about grabbing a few pizzas and having dinner at my house?”

He smiled, the first smile he offered them since meeting them again yesterday.

“Who’s buying?” Rossi asked, jokingly as they headed towards the door.


	6. Ace

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thank you to everyone who has shown support for this story! I have taken years off from writing and your comments mean the world to me. To be honest, I took time away from this story because some of the feedback left me wondering if I was being too harsh in my writing re: the lives of the rest of the team since they last saw Spencer. So to address this: I don’t have anything against any of the other members of the #squad! As someone who has had family incarcerated, I know how easy it is to lose time and inadvertently “leave them behind.” I’m not trying to punish the rest of the team by making their lives harder, only showing that when people go through personal trials they are more likely to lose sight of other people’s problems (and that’s totally normal). I love everybody on the team and plan on writing more fics involving them in the future - this is just a Spencer-centric fic. Now onto the story!

Spencer’s house was not what they had expected. His DC apartment was covered in dark wood, dark furniture, and books lining every wall. His house in Florida was brightly colored and had a garden in the front yard that looked meticulously maintained. The furniture was a mix of styles, clearly a lot of hand-me-downs and thrift store purchases, but it was homey and lived in. It made Jennifer feel a bit better about the situation knowing that he was living somewhere like this—somewhere full of love and promise.

Mandy wasn’t home yet from her shift—covering for Ruby yet again—so Spencer had time to walk them through the past couple of years without her.

“This is Mandy’s house,” he said, motioning for the team to take a seat amongst the floral sofas and chairs. “Or rather, it was her great-grandmother’s house, but she inherited it. So we’ve been making the most of it. It’s small but it works for us.”

“It’s nice,” Emily said. “Definitely a bit more…floral than I was expecting.”

Spencer laughed. “Yeah, Mandy loves her flowers. She says you have to surround yourself with things that make you happy, so we’ve got a yard full of flowers and a house full of floral prints.”

“I’m surprised you don’t have stacks of books lying around,” Rossi said. “Not that you would ever need a book on the intricacies of astrophysics, but you always kept that kind of stuff around before.”

He shrugged. “There’s not a lot of room for stuff like that in here. And besides, I don’t need a bunch of stuff to make me happy anymore. I’ve got Mandy and Ace and that’s good enough for me.”

“Ace?” Jennifer asked quietly. Even though he had forgiven her, she was still cautious around him for fear of scaring him off or offending him. She wanted so badly to know everything there was to know about his life and his family, but she wanted to let him take it slow.

Spencer grabbed a framed photo from the side table and handed it to her. There was a little baby wrapped up in a blanket with pink and blue hospital stripes with his father’s arms around him. Spencer was beaming in the photo, his smile bigger than she had seen in years.

“Ace is our son,” he continued. “He’s going on three months old now.”

“Ace, that’s a pretty rockin’ name,” Luke said with a laugh. The team had always expected that if he had kids Spencer would probably give them literary names or an old-fashioned name like Nathaniel or Thaddeus. Ace was a significant departure.

“He’s named after a character from one of Mandy’s favorite movies,” Spencer said. “I think it’s about some Nascar driver or something? All I know is she liked the name because it reminded her of her father, and if she was happy I was happy.”

The team passed the photo around, giving the expected ooh’s and aah’s that one does when they see a photo of a cute baby. They all had questions about Mandy on their mind, questions they knew he might be less comfortable answering once she got home.

Naturally, Tara was the first one with the guts to say what everyone was thinking. “So how’d you meet Mandy? If Ace is almost three months old, then you must have gotten…close with her pretty soon after your release.”

Spencer sighed and shifted in his seat. He didn’t really want to get into it because it would mean he’d have to get into his relapse. It was a dark period of his life, but he was getting through it, getting passed it. The rest of the team—especially JJ—might have a harder time processing it.

“We met in a program,” he explained. “NA—Narcotics Anonymous. A couple months after I was released. It just kind of snowballed from there.”

JJ was afraid of the answer, but she had to ask, “You’re still keeping up with the meetings after all these years? Or…?”

“I started using again in prison,” Spencer clarified. “You can’t really get pain medication like Dilaudid into prison walls, so it was heroin, mostly.”

The words stung as they hit, especially for JJ and Emily. They had seen how he had fought addiction the first time and knew that it was hard for him then, even with a strong support system. So to be released and be going it alone was unimaginable.

“But I’m doing much better now,” Spencer offered. “Sticking to the program, staying clean, and Mandy and Ace are helping a lot with that. They keep me…happy. So I don’t have to use to escape anymore.”

JJ wanted to hug him, she wanted to run up and wrap her arms around him so tight and squeeze him until it hurt. But she kept her distance because she was still unsure if they were at that point yet. It was such a strange feeling, like they were strangers who knew almost everything about each other.

“Well I’m glad to hear you’re doing better, kid,” Rossi said patting Spencer on the shoulder. “And speaking of kids, where’s the little guy?”

“Mandy normally picks him up from his—“ he was cut off by the front door swinging open with a crash. “And speak of the devil, look who just got here.”

Mandy laughed as she tried to keep open the screen door long enough to get her purse through. “This dang door is always gettin’ in my way.”

Spencer helped her through, grabbing Ace out of her arms to lighten her load. He pulled the baby up close to his face and smiled at him, the baby cooing happily in his arms. JJ couldn’t help but notice how much of a natural he was. He had been a father for all of three months and he looked more at peace than she had seen him in a long time. She had always expected that he would be a great father, but more in a, “You’ll keep them happy and get them into good colleges” kind of way. She was happy to see that he was taking to it like a duck to water, even without her help.

Mandy rushed in like a bull in a china shop. She wasn’t the most naturally graceful person in the world, but she had heaps of charisma. Even stumbling into a room in front of a strange audience she was endearing, even to Rossi who motioned a thumbs up to Spencer while she wasn’t looking.

“I’m gonna go put this stuff away, I’ll be back in a jiff,” she said leaving the room.

Matt smiled at Spencer, “Look at you joining the dad pack. You look like a pro already.” He smiled at the encouragement. It wasn’t actually that easy for him to get used to being a father, but he was always a quick study. It was a warm feeling to know that his team not only liked his family, but thought he was doing a good job. He needed the encouragement sometimes.

A thought popped into his mind that he knew he needed to get out before Mandy returned. “So I never actually told Mandy about my past…”

JJ and Emily’s eyes opened wide.

“No, not about the felony stuff, she knows that,” he clarified. They both sighed in relief. “I never told her about the whole Dr. Spencer Reid with the Behavioral Analysis Unit, IQ of 187, three PhDs thing.”

Emily looked at him quizzically, “Why not? You loved showing off how much of a genius you were back at Quantico.

“I just wanted a fresh start here. People hear that you're a genius and they get…weird around you. I just wanted people to know me for me, Spencer.”

“Spencer the…” Matt continued.

“Spencer the mechanic, Spencer the husband, Spencer the father,” he clarified. “Even Spencer the ex-con.”

JJ bristled at the phrasing of that last bit.

“Spence, you’re not just—“

“But I am,” he corrected her. “And that’s fine. I’m okay with that now. Mandy accepts me with all of it. I’m not asking you not to tell her, because I know she’s going to find out at some point. Better now than any other time. But maybe go a little light on the genius talk.”

Emily sighed, “Well that’s a first.”

“First time for everything, right?”


End file.
